The View From Section 104: The Choke

Posted Oct 20, 2006

Anyone Know The Heimlich Maneuver? How can we stop the Cards from choking?  Maybe the team should take that extra ten million they have under the salary cap and hire the best  sports psychologist in the nation– for both the players and the fans.

Calling Dr. Phil! If I were the psychologist I would begin each game by dimming the stadium lights and repeating in a low and hypnotic voice, You must play all four quarters, You must play all four quarters, You must play all four quarters.  My buddy Roger was so mad after the game that he almost whacked a Bear’s fan with his bean dip casserole, but my other friend, Deron, and I talked him out of it because it’s a long wait out of the parking lot  and we were hungry.

The game had four “Cardinal Plays”: the offense fumbled twice resulting in two touchdowns, the special needs team allowed Devin Hester to return a punt for a 83 yard touchdown, and Rackers missed what would have been the game winning field goal. I tell all you hard core Cardinal fans: If any of you are having problems at work or home that you feel you can’t resolve, just remember, if you can sit through a Cardinals game, you can do anything!

The one positive out of all of this is Matt Leinart. He is the real deal.  He is cool, calm and collected during the game and throws the ball to the right person. But will all the losing break Leinart’s spirit? We’ll find out if Leinart is mentally tough, especially if they lose to Oakland and Green Bay.  Leinart has already lost more games with the Cardinals than his three years starting  at USC.  Maybe if the Cardinals do lose to Oakland and Green Bay their punishment should be to spend the bye week at the Bidwell’s eating ice cream and watching Tony Robbins videos so they can learn how to unleash the power within.  Or maybe they could watch a replay of the  1947 Chicago Cardinals championship victory 28-21 over the Eagles on an ice covered field in Chicago.  What a unique thought that coaching staff had: scoring TOUCHDOWNS to win.  Obviously they didn’t need a field goal or the Eagles would have been ringing the Liberty Bell.

One more word of advice from Bartender Al: Before the next Cardinal’s game, try foregoing the Bud Light for a couple bottles of the Belgian lager Stella Artois.  With its fourteen percent alcohol content, it might help the next Cardinal’s loss slide down easier.

Related Stories
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 -by  Oct 19, 2006
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Please Throw the Ball Mr. Green?
 -by  Oct 18, 2006

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